5 Life Lessons Straight From ICCU

 

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Recently I spent nearly twenty days in the ICCU, when my father was hospitalized. It had become a regular routine for me, to go to the hospital every morning and come back in the night. I spent most of my time there during these days. The ICCU was always bustling with activities, with critical patients being brought in all the time. Being an intensive cardiac care unit, there was always an emergency, 24/7. Though my dad was quite stable, overall it was quite a mind-numbing experience. I used to stand alongside my dad’s bed most of the time and witness all the action happening in ICCU, merely as a spectator. But I believe that every incident, person and situation brings in valuable life lessons for us to grow and evolve spiritually. My experiences there have certainly made me more humble and grateful than before.

On the very next bed to my dad’s, there was a 13-year-old boy, who was diagnosed with a hole in his heart. The family was poor and did not have enough finances for the surgery. They waited for two long months, before they were ready for it. The little boy was admitted and the surgery was scheduled for the next day. The boy seemed to be quite unaware of his situation and the happenings around. He had a very cute and innocent smile on his face. He was busy playing mobile games, while his mother kept asking him to sleep and take some rest. She was continuously stroking his head with lot of love and concern.

When I came back the next morning, the bed was empty. “Has the boy gone for the surgery?” I asked the nurse. “No sir, he passed away in the morning!” She said with a sad face. “What..???” I just could not believe what I heard. I could feel my heart shatter into thousand pieces. The least I could do was to sit there silently and pray for his soul.

There was another couple who had come from a village in Punjab. The wife was to undergo an open heart surgery. The man had sold all their property so that his wife could get the new lease of life. It is really sad that medical facilities are so expensive and unaffordable to the economically weaker section of the society. She underwent the surgery but developed complications thereafter. Her husband was very nervous and requested us to pray for his wife. In the hospitals, generally, the patient’s relatives develop an instant bond with each other, as they are going through common issues. By evening there was an emergency with the lady; while the doctors were trying to resuscitate her, relatives of all patients were asked to wait outside. About an hour later, the doctors announced that the lady was no more. Her husband was inconsolable.

During my visits to the hospital in those twenty days, I came across a lot of shaking, heart-rending, and overwhelming stories. There were a few intermittent emotional moments, when I saw rakshabandhan being celebrated in ICCU. One sister tied rakhi to her brother who was in a critical condition. She tried hard to hide her tears, wore a forced smile on her face trying to hide the feeling of uncertainty that this could even be their last rakshabandhan together.

While I saw quite a few deaths happening there, there were patients who bounced back to health and left for their homes with their loved ones. Overall it was an indelible experience.

This time spent in ICCU reiterated some of the life’s important lessons to me:

Lesson # 1 :  Live every moment fully

All that we have is the present moment. Most often we forget this and spend all the time worrying and fretting about things that may or may not happen and loose the precious moments that life offers us. Life is only happening NOW. Live it fully.

Lesson # 2 : Be grateful for the smallest things in life

Consider yourselves blessed that you are still breathing and alive. We often forget all the blessings bestowed upon us by life and only focus on the lack. But such incidents like the ones mentioned above, help us realize that just being alive and healthy itself is a huge blessing and a big enough reason to be grateful for.

Lesson # 3 : Find your purpose and follow it

If you are still breathing and alive, means you still have a purpose to be fulfilled on this planet. We all have a purpose in this lifetime. However it is important to discover that and work towards it.

Lesson # 4 : Life is transient. Be humble

Death is inevitable; irrespective of your position and socio-economic status. So always be humble, as you cannot fight this mighty force. Being humble keeps you grounded and keeps your ego at bay. You realize that you are not the doer. It is the universe that is working through you and you are just a medium for the larger plan of the universe to be fulfilled.

Lesson # 5 : You don’t carry anything to the grave, except your deeds

Be kind and good to all. Don’t be judgemental. Respect and love others unconditionally. Don’t do anything that will make you regret and feel guilty later. Your deeds, are the only things that you are going to carry to your grave.

Life is your best teacher. It will always bring you challenging situations with a hidden and priceless lessons. Be conscious and open to learning those and you will never look at life with the same eyes again.

So, here’s me signing off, wishing you a healthy happy and a regret-free life.

 

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Friendship Lives In The Heart

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My dad who is 89 year old was recently recovering from pneumonia at home, after about a week of hospitalization. One day when I entered his room to give him medicines, what I saw made me really emotional. He was staring at a photograph, with tears silently rolling down his cheeks. When I went closer, I saw that my dad was staring at the picture of his best friend Mr. Gill, who passed away almost eight years back. He used to lovingly address him as Sardarji. They must have been friends for only a decade, but they bonded instantly because of their common interest, game of cricket. If they were not able to watch the match together, both our phone lines would be continuously engaged, as a parallel commentary and analysis of the match would go on between the two.

That day, my dad was terribly missing his dear friend. It was an unusual sight for me as I had never seen tears in my dad’s eyes. I could feel the intensity of his emotions. We all were there with him, but none could fill the vacuum that was created by a friend who left this world.

That is the role of friends in our life. They are a real treasure. Friends are the ones with whom you can share anything under the sun, be it your first crush, an argument with your father, your failure, or your success. They know most of your secrets. You know that your friend will not judge you by any of these things and continue to love you unconditionally. A true friend will stand by you even during your roughest and toughest times, fight with the entire world for you, and just be there for you. Their sheer presence gives you strength and comfort. A friend is an extended part of your own self.

When I think about friends and friendship, my childhood memories suddenly come alive. Since technology had not taken over our lives that time, playing outdoor games with friends was quite prevalent. I remember coming back from school, flinging the school bag, quickly changing the school uniform and running to play with friends. We would have fights on the playground both physical and verbal but everything was forgotten the moment we left the play ground. When it got too late in the evening, one of the moms would come and drive us all back home. Back then, we would just barge into our friends house any time, have food with them or demand something to eat, which the friend’s mother would lovingly cook. Even the simplest of foods would taste like nectar in the company of a friend. All this created an everlasting bond between friends. It created such a beautiful space that allowed you to be yourself. Thanks to the technology that kept that has kept the bond alive even today.

Relationships have always been the focus of my life. And I feel if you have even a few true friends in life, you are amongst the richest people. However, friendships do not happen overnight. You need to invest a lot of time and energy into it. I am fortunate and blessed to have wonderful friends. Some of my friendships have lasted for ages while some for a short period of time, but all of them have been truly soul-nourishing, something that I will cherish until my last breath.

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Every person has his/her own ways of developing friendship, but I would like to share few secrets from my life that may help you develop an everlasting, genuine and amazing friendship.

  1. Always Be There For Your Friend : Being there for a friend in need and during challenging times, deepens the bond. Sometimes you may need to go out of your way, walk an extra mile, do a little sacrifice, put others before you; but trust me it always pays in the long run. A relationship is always two-way. You receive what you give.
  2. Never Let Ego Come In Between : Remember, your friendship is much greater and valuable than your ego. Whenever you have an argument with your best friend and it impairs your relationship, try to mend it even if you think that you were not wrong. These kind of skirmishes are small to begin with but have the potential of becoming big spoilers and in breaking the relationships.
  3. Forgive Easily : ‘To err is human’, so forgive easily, as one small mistake or incident cannot have the power to ruin your friendship. Change your perspective of looking at the situation. Empathise with your friend and understand why he/she behaved the way they did. Putting yourself in that situation will make it easy for you to forgive.
  4. Spend Quality Time : Friendships are nurtured in the heart. In today’s technological world we are in touch with or friends on social media and phones. But on these platforms, we generally put up a façade and do not reveal our true feelings. To develop a deeper, genuine and authentic friendship, we need to break free from the façade and develop a heart to heart connection. This is only possible when we spend quality time with friends. Going out for a movie, or dinner or an outing or doing something of common interest works wonders
  5. Never Be Judgemental : Never form a judgement about your friend and assume things based on hearsay. Sometimes we can easily get carried away by an incident, or someone telling us something about our friend. That is the real test. Instead of believing them and being judgemental about him/her it is best to clear any misunderstanding there and then.

Wishing you a happy and enduring friendship, now and forever.

Touch Your Inner Core Through Authentic Relationships

MITS-3“The only way to have a friend is to be one…” –  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently we had a silver jubilee meet of 1990 batch of our engineering college, MITS Gwalior. The preparations started six months back; whatsapp group was formed, messages were sent, extensive plans were being discussed and so on. Everyone was charged up with excitement. It was as if all of us had travelled back in time and were experiencing the youth again. I am sure you will agree with me that the college days are the most memorable days in anyone’s life. It had been two and a half decades, and some of us had not been in touch until the world was blessed with mobile phones and social media networks. However each one of us was superlatively excited. It was as if the 1990 batch of engineering had taken a re-birth and we were back in college again.MITS-2

From our batch, some had achieved great heights in their career, some were very close to their goals, while others were still struggling to make a mark. But nothing seemed to really affect the close bond we once shared.

I was one of the very few, from my batch who had completely changed the course of life. I was a bit sceptical of how my work and I would be looked at and accepted by my alumni. Of course, some of them knew what I was doing.

I was deeply touched and pleasantly surprised, when one of my dear friends, got the 60 copies of my first book KEYS to be distributed amongst everyone present as a gift from him. My friends said that they were so happy for me and that they proudly tell their children about my achievements and what I am doing.

Those two days of the reunion we had, happened to be the most precious moments of my life. Each one of us connected at the same level where we had left. Some of the batch-mates who did not interact during the college days met each other like the best buddies. There was so much of love and respect we all shared for each other.MITS-4

Everyone present there had clearly dropped their respective status, their accomplishments and their egos the moment they boarded the flight/train to Gwalior. It was a home-coming moment for all us, as if the whole big family had united once again. We were in a space which was totally non-judgemental and non-threatening. We could be our true selves, make fun of each other, share silly jokes and burst out laughing.

I realized that I had not had a laugh from my belly since ages. Those two days of our reunion were a totally healing, empowering and enriching experience for me. We all parted from Gwalior with a strengthened bond, with a promise to be there for each other and to meet again soon.

We get so absorbed in our day to day lives, that we lose connection with ourselves. We may be connected to the whole world through the electronic media, but they also come with lot of ‘Terms & Conditions’. Most of those relationships are formal or superficial. Though the social media grants the biggest advantage of re-establishing the connections that are lost in the sands of time, it does not necessarily assure authentic relationships. I remember, when we were children, we would just barge in our friend’s house at any time and also share a meal. Needless to say, those relations have really stood strong through all the adversities. In today’s scenario, even the best friends have to plan and meet. Sometimes we don’t even meet them for ages giving the excuse of being connected electronically. But let me tell you it is highly important to meet in person. It is important to share the space and energy with people who mean a lot to you and with the people you love. It is a soulful experience.

Since we are all emotional beings, it is the need of the soul to connect to the authentic relationships. And when we do that we automatically connect to our inner core. These relationships give us the space to just be; which is important for the nourishment of the soul. As they say, no man is a failure who has friends…

Let us resolve to build and nurture such authentic relationships this year onwards….. MITS-1

Meeting with Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam – A spiritual experience

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22nd October 2013, will be ever etched on my mind. Afterall, You don’t meet a person of the stature of Abdul Kalam every day. I distinctly remember, there were butterflies in my stomach, while Aruna and I were waiting in his office for our 8pm appointment. We were there to present my first book KEYS to him. He was my hero and I had painted a particular image of him in my mind. Already anxious, my mind was crowded with thoughts… ‘how will he greet us?, what will he say about my book?, will he really entertain us as we had no real agenda for the meeting?’, ‘what if a cold response from him shatters the image I have so lovingly nurtured.’

My chain of thoughts was interrupted, when his secretary called out our names. He ushered us in APJ’s office.

His office reflected his persona – simple, warm and welcoming. He got up from his chair to greet us.

“So Mr. Santosh Joshi, what brings you here?” He asked with a bright smile, signalling us to sit. Sitting in front of a person who was the people’s president, a recipient of Bharat Ratna, a scientist, a teacher and above all a favourite leader of one and all, did make me nervous.

However, slowly the anxiety I was experiencing, started to dissolve in his sublime presence. His friendly voice and infectious smile drove away all our discomforts.

“Sir, you are a great inspiration in our life and it has been our long cherished dream to meet you in person, hence we are here.” I said trying hard to put the words together. I gave him the book and a sketch I had drawn of him.

“Oh, I am glad to meet you as well” he replied modestly. Then I briefed him about what I was doing and how I wished to present him my first book and seek his blessings. He patiently flipped through the book, asking questions with lot of interest. He said he was pleased with the way the book has come up.

“You have given me the book. What should I give you?”, saying this he got up from the chair, fetched a copy of ‘Ignited Minds’ from his cupboard and wrote a beautiful message, “If God for us, who can be against us”, and with his autograph gifted it to me. He wished me luck and said, “You are doing a good job. Inspire as many people as you can”.

We requested him for a picture, which he readily agreed. The whole experience was so overwhelming, that we got goose bumps and our eyes moistened. We touched his feet and left his office with a heart filled with gratitude and amplified love and respect for this adorable human being. We were bowled over by his humility, simplicity and greatness. It was feeling one gets in the presence of a spiritually evolved soul. No wonder today when he has left his body, every Indian is grieved. Only a divine incarnate can impact and inspire so many lives. In my view, he was truly a modern spiritual guru.

Rest in Peace APJ… We will miss you…

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True Freedom

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Our country achieved freedom from foreign rule 67 years back, but have we attained true freedom yet…?

As a life coach I come across  many people during my talks and workshops. The one thing I find common in most of them is that they are not free. Rather, most are imprisoned in the self created web of guilts, regrets, hurts, fears, self doubts, limiting self beliefs, etc. This happens with all of us. The web gets denser and stronger day by day, and a point comes when we feel impossible to break through it and get out. We become prisoners.

I know of a lady who has gone through lot of suffering in her life for almost a decade after her marriage. She was married in a joint family and was ill-treated by her in-laws. As a result she went through a lot of trauma. After about 10 years of marriage the couple moved out of the house and the family business into an independent life. But even today when we meet she talks only about those 10 years of distress in her life.

Once she told me , “I want to try your PLR therapy. I am curious to find out how my in-laws were related to me in my past birth. They have made my life miserable.”

“Sure we can. But what is the problem now? You are the master of your own life . I feel it is high time you let go of the past.” I replied.

“You don’t understand. It is easier said than done. They have spoiled 10 beautiful years of my life. How can I let go?” she said somewhat irritated.

I realized that she had completely ensconced herself in the self created web of victimhood. So much so that she was thriving on the sympathy gained from people around her and was comfortable living that way.

When we are born, we are free spirits. We can easily cry, laugh , make mistakes, forgive people, and let go. we don’t carry any baggage. Hence as a child we can experience freedom. Nothing is impossible for a small child. He is ready to explore anything because he lives in that space of ‘freedom’, where everything is a possibility.

Then what happens as we grow…? We are told, ” you are a grown up boy now and boys are not supposed to cry!” or “you are a girl, you are not supposed to laugh so loudly!”,” What will people say?”, “you should do this and you shouldn’t do this”. ” you cannot think in a particular way” and stuff like that…Our life slowly gets defined by the dos and don’ts of the society. Without realizing we get moulded in a way people  around us want us to. Even the freedom of thoughts is taken away from us. We are supposed to think how other people want us to think. Sounds ridiculous, but its true, and we start living a life of others. Slowly we start thinking that this is how life has to be lived, in a set pattern, confined and defined by the society, caged in the negative beliefs.

To experience true freedom we need to go back to the time when we were born…. by stripping off the layers of conditioning around us and letting free that inner child. Do what we always wanted to do in life rather than being dictated by others around us. We must realize our true potential to achieve greatness in life. We need to break free from the cage of dogmas, set patterns limited self beliefs, feeling of being victim, helplessness, fears, deceits and other negative emotions such as anger, jealousy, resentment, guilt, and regret….. and live as if “Sky is Not the Limit”…..  in True Freedom.

5 simple life lessons from Candy Crush Saga

Being a Life Coach, I feel every thing happening in our life teaches us a valuable lessons and this game is no exception.

Being a Life Coach, I feel every thing happening in our life teaches us a valuable lessons and this game is no exception.

I was introduced to the game Candy Crush Saga by my friends in Japan when my wife and I visited them in March. My wife was totally captivated by it since then. I saw her getting anxious about the levels she was not able to cross and the happiness when she successfully graduated to another level. Watching her enthusiasm towards this game, I did not realize when I got hooked on to it. I started playing and crossing levels and moving ahead. Sometimes I got stuck at one level for days together, while at times I would easily cross levels in the first attempt. The lives (opportunities) I got for each level were limited. So I needed to make my moves very carefully or else my opportunity to go to the next level would be lost. There were several permutations and combinations; hence every time, I needed to plan a strategy to make a correct move. Sometimes, I succeeded while at times, I failed. The most thrilling part was when there was 1 candy left to be crushed in 3 moves! When you get involved in a game, it becomes imperative to win that game.

If a computer or a phone game is so important in our life, what about life itself? Being a Life Coach I feel each and every thing happening in our life teaches us a valuable lessons and this game is not an exception.

Here are 5 life lessons Candy Crush has taught me:

  1. MOVE ON:

Life will always pose challenges at every step. The real key lies is facing those challenges and moving on to the next level.

  1. LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES:  

At every juncture life will throw surprises at you. The real strength lies in how we handle those. Life will also bring in tiny parcels of happiness. Don’t forget to celebrate those moments.

  1. TIME IS LIMITED:  

Our life-time on this Earth is limited. Opportunities will come and go. We need to brace ourselves to take advantage of these opportunities.

Like the game, our life too will pose challenges at every step. The real key lies is facing them and moving on to the next level.

Like the game, our life too will pose challenges at every step. The real key lies is facing them and moving on to the next level.

  1. MAKE THE CORRECT MOVE:

We cannot afford to waste our time and energy in making wrong moves. Because one wrong move can take us to a different set of possibilities which may or may not lead to our destination.

  1. PLAN A STRATEGY:

It is very important to plan a strategy. Life’s moments are slipping by. So we need to strategically plan life to make the most of it.

Happy crushing! Don’t miss these lessons when you play Candy Crush next time.

Spirituality beyond assumptions

Breaking stereotypes!

The past few weeks has seen an offbeat online campaign doing the rounds. It showcases girls and boys holding a whiteboard in different settings, the white board has a message that busts a common prejudice. Cheek and thought-provoking, the campaign has really inspired me to write this blog.

Since, I changed my job and went into the line of spirituality; I have heard all negative opinions or false perceptions about spirituality. Today, my blog is aimed at #breakingstereotypes about spirituality.

Myth 1: To be spiritual, one needs to be secluded

You can be spiritual wherever you are

You can be spiritual wherever you are

One of the biggest myths about spirituality is that you need to get away from normal human civilization. This is the biggest lie of the century. You don’t need to go to the Himalayas or any other spiritual place to be spiritual. It goes beyond space and circumstances. Spirituality is just a way of life. It is nothing but living from your heart and going with the flow of the universe. It can be practiced even in the midst of chaos. Keeping away from friends and family is definitely not a compulsion!

Myth 2: One can’t enjoy materialistic things or cannot live a modern life if spiritual

There is nothing wrong with being ambitious or wanting a fancy car or a big house. In fact, spirituality tells us that we are here to enjoy and celebrate life. The universe has abundance and you can receive anything you want. One should not feel guilty if one is involved in the business of earning money or material wealth, as long as you do it honestly and with detachment.

Myth 3: Spiritual people need to be “serious” at all times

I have heard many people say that spiritual people shouldn’t speak loudly, laugh too much or act like immaturely. In reality, not all spiritual people are serious. In fact, if your core personality involves talking and laughing loudly, you should never give it up! Have you heard of the concept of Inner Child? It says, each one of us has a little child within us. We need to pamper and give attention to that child in order to remain happy. Great Sufis and saints have been child-like and had no qualms about playing with little children. Life is beautiful, and we must acknowledge it and be happy. One needn’t behave in a certain way just because he is spiritual.

Myth 4: Spirituality is only possible in a guru-shishya environment

You don’t need to follow a sect or spiritual guru to be spiritual. All you need is an inquisitive mind, and you will get the answers. Whenever you need the guidance, the universe will send you the right people, opportunities and events to help you find your answers.

My attempt at busting a myth!

My attempt at busting a myth!

 Myth 5: You need to follow the spiritual dress code

Another common misconception is that spiritual people need to wear flowing clothes or robes. I have been told, many a times, “How can you be in the spiritual line if you wear jeans and a t-shirt?”

According to me, clothing is just a choice and does not reflect a person’s way of being. Especially, in today’s age! Spirituality does not put any restriction on clothing.

Myth 6: You need to follow a religion to be spiritual

In religion, someone experiences the truth and tells it to you. You follow. Spirituality is experiencing the truth yourself. Religion, cast, creed has nothing to do with spirituality. There are numerous paths that can take you to the same goal. You can even create your own path.

Myth 7: People are inclined towards spirituality only if something goes wrong

I have seen perfectly happy people having the desire and yearning to know more about life. They are determined to go higher on spiritual levels. Spirituality is not just something to come out of your problems, but a way of life.

Myth 8: Spirituality is for oldies only

In one of my workshops, the youngest participant was 16-year-old and the oldest one was 92. I even know of a girl who is a past life regression therapist since she was 18. She is full of life and has given life advice to people four times her age!

Some people think spirituality is only for their old age. This is another untruth. Age has nothing to do with spirituality. You could be of any age, when you start on this path.

According to me, children are natural meditators and very spiritual

According to me, children are natural meditators and very spiritual

My only purpose of listing out all these stereotypes is so people do not make the mistake of generalization. There surely are people who fall into the category of these stereotypes but that doesn’t mean all spiritual people are the same.

If you are looking for answers about your life and seek a path, don’t be influenced by what is popular or by other’s opinion. You should determine what is right for you and follow that. Let your inner wisdom be your guiding light. And keep in mind not to judge others on their path either.